Twas a Gamers Night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
not a gamer was playing, not the click of a mouse,

The controllers were charging by the consoles with care,
in the hopes that game servers would still be there,

The gamers were nestled all snug in their beds,
with fear of hacked servers down in their heads,

And mama in her game saves, and a vita in my lap,
had just finished some levels before a long winters nap,

When out of my phone there arouse such a clatter,
I checked on my messages to see what was the matter,

My phone was blowing up, I was blinded by the flash,
I fell on the floor and got a small gash,

All I could think is what awful message would show,
was it a ddos attack on the servers or no?

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
A game invite from a friend... I haven't heard from in a year,

So I ran to my PlayStation and turned it on quick,
he finally upgraded, this is going to be sick,

We played call of duty, in last place he came,
he yelled and he shouted, and called others names,

"Hey cheater, hey camper, glitcher and tea bagger,
you're rotten, you're ugly, worthless and a lagger!"

"From the start of the match till the end of it all,
It was unfair, unfair, I even fell off a wall!"

As his voice raised and he breathed like a hurricane flies,
I heard someone say "shut the hell up, it's not our fault you die!"

So the argument began and the swear words they flew,
one person left crying as I laughed... Wouldn't you?

And then it got quiet, as the lobby filled with new players,
max prestige, level 89... I feared they may be slayers,

As I spawned in and was turning around,
my raging friend was hitting the ground.

It had been but 10 seconds before he said a word,
"I'm a kill you all! Including that max prestige nerd!"

Loaded out with an LMG on his back,
he looked like a noob that could use a care pack,

His voice- oh how it shrieked, his accuracy: how awful,
in his real life he couldn't find attention at a brothel,

He kept spawning in angry and running his mouth,
we told him run east, but he kept going south,

Running into the enemy, they killed him each time he tried,
I suggested we stop playing, he said "not until they've died!"

I thought to myself, when will this match end?
The more people we play, the more he'll offend,

To no avail he tried to play and then my memory came,
I remembered why a year had passed between our last game,

He was grumpy, rude and under medicated,
I was about to speak up, then I hesitated,

And I laughed to myself as his body hit the floor,
and the words from his mouth "I can't take anymore!"

"You're all a bunch of hacks, he's a cheater and you're a jerk,
I'd rather watch YouTube videos and teach myself to twerk!"

"Well it was good playing with you!" I said with some fear,
he logged off his PlayStation and I began to cheer,

I messaged my team and said lets a play a little, but easy on the mic, my ears feeling brittle,

I told them the story from beginning to end, that's when I realized what he would send,

A ddos attack, it was him all along,
he attacks servers every year, cause his game isn't strong,

A message in my inbox, right before the attack,
"It was fun playing with you, but now I must hack"

I asked him, "please don't, think of all the games we will miss!"
He said, "just consider me... the grinch that stole your Christmas."


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